Being a cynical person can be a lonely existence. Such is the case for me amongst this whole Kony 2012 campaign. First of all, twitter peeps, this has nothing to do with the fact I sometimes appear on TV. TV may be the only reason why I have as many people follow me as I do, but I've had these same feelings about many viral causes that have come and gone dating back to when I was filleting Albacore and selling shoes for money. The only difference now is that I can make a lot more people despise me. I'm a guy who hates getting invitations through facebook, generally can't stand social media's attempt to make me build a virtual farm, slaughterhouse, or castle, and loathes when the masses gather around a cause most never bothered to learn anything about until it was all over the goddamned Internet and their favorite celebrity chef retweeted it.
It is through this distorted, mangled lens that I view the Kony campaign. Do I believe that Joseph Kony is a horrid excuse for a human being that should be doomed to the 12 circles of hell and have his soul raped, tortured, and tormented for eternity? Yes. Do I applaud the actions of those who do all they can in trying to highlight his crimes and bring him to justice? Of course. Everyone does. And here's where I get annoyed:
When these things blow up on the net all I can see is the mindlessness by which these phenomena spread like wildfire. This is great when you are trying to merely spread awareness. Like if there is an outbreak of the monkey virus and you need to duct tape your windows to keep from getting it. What's not great is that most people only bother to learn about an issue when it's trending on twitter then act as if it's a mission sent from directly from God to them, and they must convert everyone by posting it on their wall and getting all up in my business. Fact is 90% of these assholes won't remember what fucking country Joseph Kony terrorizes in 2 weeks. They'll go back into whatever cyber-catatonic state they live in and will be bothering me about another cause they really, truly don't care about.
Folks, I don't know what difference this campaign will make. If their goal is only to raise awareness, Invisible Children has accomplished that tenfold. If this awareness leads to pressure on the international community to bring Kony to justice - President Obama made it a priority months ago, even commiting US troops and no one said a fucking thing. Here's a link with a Rush Limbaugh bashing bonus http://mediamatters.org/blog/201203070006 - then the people behind Invisible Children deserve the Nobel Peace prize, a chapter in every history book detailing their achievement, and a three month orgy with every model in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. But if this campaign is to bring awareness to the Invisible Children organization in order to raise them money so they can make more heartbreaking videos and only spend 32% of that money towards services that directly benefit those they advocate on behalf of - http://c2052482.r82.cf0.rackcdn.com/images/737/original/FY11-Audited%20Financial%20Statements.pdf?1320205055 - then I WOULD RATHER SEE THE INTERNET RALLY BEHIND OTHER GROUPS THAT ARE MORE EFFICIENT. That's it. That's my distorted reasoning and why I can't get behind them 100%.
This may make me a complete asshole, I understand that. I hope I'm just a cynical douchebag and, because of this 30 minute video, a terrible person gets what he deserves and Invisible Children gets richly deserved accolades and satisfaction of truly changing the world for the better. That is my preferred ending. But if not, if my skepticism proves true and the world forgets and jumps on board the next trendy cause without accomplishing anything, do me a solid and leave me out of it. I've got a printer that isn't going to plug itself in.
